ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
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