Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
