I puked a lego.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
