can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
