Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
