I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
