so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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