How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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