this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
