I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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