return my video game
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
