i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
