How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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