drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
