Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
never play flip cup with pint glasses
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
