Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Randomize
