You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
