is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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