I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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