I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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