college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
