I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
