it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
