woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
