Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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