Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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