a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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