my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
