Where did you get a picture of my penis
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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