everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
worst night to have a conscience
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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