Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
