u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
