i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
