How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
