My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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