alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
