Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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