Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
