Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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