I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
