If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i just had sex bonerless
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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