I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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