we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
