very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
