i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
