i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
