I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
