i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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