my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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