My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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