yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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