Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
