Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
