Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize