Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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