so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
