fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
