Can i not drive my cunt home
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
