i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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