Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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