So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
