Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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