Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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