how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
