I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
