So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
