im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
