i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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