areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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