By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
birth control should be required to get into college
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
