So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
