Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
