didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Randomize