Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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