And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
