fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
