Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
