why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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